That Apple can activate remotely!
…why else would they tell you to wave your phone around like an idiot?
Category Archives: Funny
A summons to all your foolish blood.
June 14, 2009
826 Valencia is an amazing, wondrous place. I want to live in their world. I want to write again. I want to make people experience these things.
Dane and James’ Lost Dreams
May 3, 2009
Chances are my handwriting is blowing your mind right about now, so allow me to translate:
“Dane and James’ Lost Dreams!”
Cruise Ship + Roller Coaster = Awesome.
Smoke (cruise ship also makes dirt bike sounds) BRAAP-BRAAP!
PROBLEM: No one is signing up for spring break in Cancun for 2010… some say it’s too early, but those people are wrong (and probably stupid, too). We say it’s because of SWINE FLU (aka H1N1, for that bitchy pig lobby).
…just means more bacon for the rest of us.
SOLUTION: “Dane and James’ Lost Dreams,” a cruise ship that caters to the real target user group of cruise ships!
- People who own Harley Davidson t-shirts (but no longer have the sleeves to go along with them) – used to be black, but went through the wash too many times…
- People with fanny packs (preferably in bright colors).
- People who have a favorite monster truck driver.
- People with multiple chins.
- People who shouldn’t wear swimsuits, nor own them.
- People who live in dorms, or still wish they did.
FUCK THE CASINO. We’re doing an entire deck of mini-fridges and microwaves and TV dinners. (not to mention TV desserts!)
VODKA + JELLO CAKE = VODELLO CAKE
Luxurious Double-Wide Toilet Paper
America demands Brawny on its ass.
Just Another Day In HCI/d
February 20, 2009
Yesterday we celebrated Jeff’s birthday in his favorite “Hello Kitty Goth” fashion. Binaebi and Emily baked him a pink watermelon Jell-O cake, and Lynn got him, among other things, a pink balloon that said “Princess”. This was in reference to an email that Lynn had sent him once, where she accidentally called him “Dr. Bardzell.” He replied that never, under any circumstances, should anyone call him “Dr. Bardzell.” Further, one could go so far as to call him “Princess Pumpkin” on his birthday, but never “Dr. Bardzell.”
And so, Princess. Meanwhile, Brandon rickrolled Jeff the moment he walked in the door. The entire event was all very experience-y and was definitely “an experience,” as defined by Dewey. Perfectly appropriate for our Experience Design class.
The Gallery of The Awesome II
May 23, 2008
I have journeyed far and wide of late, from the hot and dusty reaches of eastern Washington to the harshly lit bowels of Wal-Mart. In these journeys I have seen Things, Great and Amazing Things that Thrill the Senses. The incredibility I have seen is such that it is worth another visit, yes, a return of sorts, to The Gallery of The Awesome.
Some of this may be new to you, some may be downright frightening, but I recommend you stay with us until the end, keeping your hands and feet inside the car at all times.
This post card can be found outside the office of one of Kate’s favorite geology professors. It goes without saying how he feels about dams:
In case there is any question, here’s the door to his office:
He will retire soon, and when he does the school will need to buy a new door.
Here we see a sign for the Bing Bang Blow Out Sale, which is happening right now at the independent record shop in Walla Walla:
Actually, this sign has been in their window ever since Kate was a prospective student for Whitman College, five long years ago. It is likely a nod to the song “Witch Doctor” by David Seville, with its chorus line all “walla walla bing bang” and such. The shop boasts what is hopefully eastern Washington’s largest collection of VHS tapes and 8-tracks, despite having been blowing them out for the last five years. Say, what the hell kind of independent record shop is this?
That’s right. The shop is named Hot Poop. Right there in downtown Walla Walla. Bing Bang. Judging by the number of Zappa posters in the window, I would bet it’s named after the Frank Zappa song of the same name. Based on Zappa’s character, as well as the degree of censorship that the album apparently experienced, I’m willing to bet that Frank didn’t want the song to be named “Hot Poop” at all, but rather “Hot Shit.” Ironically, the phrase “hot poop” is far more disgusting and offensive than “hot shit.”
Speaking of shit:
The above is a Premium Eastern Red Cedar Squirrel Feeder, available at Wal-Mart. Unless those wood screws are intended for permanently mounting the squirrel to the platform, this feeder is far more humane than the electric squirrel feeder that my father invented:
Actually, it’s a bird feeder that he’s rigged up in such a way to discourage squirrels from draining it on a daily basis. It plugs directly into a regular wall outlet. He added the 60 watt light bulb so that when a squirrel completes the circuit, the bulb would take out a lot of the current and not cook the squirrel. Even so, there’s still a lot of squirrel poop all around this thing.
Speaking of unfortunate surprises, the Hood River Hotel features fine dining and vintage charm. How fine, and how vintage, you may ask? Here we see the worst table in the joint:
Speaking of vices, here we witness a grim milestone:
A gallon of gas costs nearly as much as a pack of Marlboros! Speaking of gas, these beautiful turtle figurines are available at the gas station near the Hood River Bridge:
Either a poor artist somewhere has a great sense of humor despite living in wrenching poverty, or the turtle’s likeness to a wrinkly penis happened completely by accident.
Last, but certainly not least, Dr. Bronner called. He wants his superlatives back:
I hope that this packaging has won design and typography awards the world over. In an effort to keep your eyes from melting, I have transcribed the top portion for you:
#1 PLANT HEALTH EXTRA LIFE
Greatest Guarantee-Offer PROOF Ever
67 YEARS, unchallenged, $5,000. GUARANTEED to be
World CHAMPION
#1 ACTIVATOR, #1 REVIVER, #1 Trans/PLANTER, #1 Extra GROWER, #1 PERFECTER
WORLD’S FAIR SCIENCE-MEDAL-WINNING
SUPERthriveTMs 50 IN ONE
VITAMINS-HORMONES
Those are some bold claims. I don’t know whether to give it to my plants or pour it on my turtle.
The Gallery of The Awesome
March 24, 2008
Last night I welcomed upon you a great injustice, in that I described a number of truly awesome products without actually showing them to you. Tonight I hope to make things right and proper, and with the help of this “Multi-Media” tool will magic their images to you, with absolutely no post office, telegraph cables, or Speak & Spell device involved.
First up in our Gallery of The Awesome, we have a Colon-Shaped Brownie Tray:
Next, we have a litter box designed for one-legged cats:
If you thought the one-legged cat market was so small that it couldn’t possibly support more than one specially-designed litter box, you thought wrong:
Last and certainly not least, we have Taylor Fay. He’s totally stacked in this picture, probably the result of his patented “ripping the legs off cats” workout:
That is all.
The Rivimino
February 5, 2008
A few years ago my friends and I discovered an odd car in a parking lot in Minneapolis, a strange-looking thing with custom tail lights, welded rails and an unpainted steel flatbed. We immediately concluded that this was perhaps the craziest, most brilliant, most ridiculous automobile we had ever seen in our lives, and so of course we had to take turns posing with it.
I posted the image to my Photolog at Brainside Out, and thought little of it until last month when I got an email from a fellow named Allen up in Hibbing, Minnesota. Allen found the car while doing a Google Image search for the coolest car ever where it currently displays in second place, in the company of Lamborghinis, ahead of the Batmobile, and behind the 92 mpg FuelVapor Technologies Alé.
As it turns out, Allen’s car is the Coolest Car Ever. He bought it after it had been rear-ended, and he built the flatbed instead of replacing the trunk like normal. He calls it the Rivimino, a contraction of Riviera and El Camino.
Cool, huh? Small world.
