Question: Which of the following dinners would win in a fight? A. Ranch Corn Nuts and a hot and spicy beef stick. B. Dasani raspberry-flavored bottled water and Chex Mix. C. Spicy chicken burrito, a forty of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and a Swisher Sweet. The answer is C. The answer is always the forty.
Monthly Archives: June 2008
Social Hygiene
June 29, 2008
The other day, Kate and I were discussing the difference between a “tool” and a “douche bag”. It is a subtle but important differentiation, and we came up with the following guide. We hope you find it helpful, and failing that, offensive. Tool: Drives a champagne Lexus LX with gold trim. Douche Bag: Drives a […]
Trigonometry
June 18, 2008
So. My kiteboarding photography is going to be featured in the next issue of Sports Northwest magazine, perhaps even on the cover. I must say, however, that the current cover will be a tough act to follow: Maybe I can convince Mike to get a bikini wax and pose with his new kites.
Deterrent
June 7, 2008
Buried deep in our chests, each Hood River citizen is now required to wear an economic growth inhibitor at all times. The weather-changing device atop City Hall is now operating at full power, effectively deflecting all tourists and their valuable Canadian dollars away from our town. We’ve started referring to this month as June-uary, and […]
Sol 0
June 2, 2008
My neighbors celebrated June by drinking beer from 10:00 in the morning until 3:00 the following morning. Outwardly I pretend to be impressed, but inwardly I’m annoyed and disappointed that they didn’t make a day of it.
Locker Room
June 1, 2008
Just as soon as we started describing Twitter as a micro-blogging/text-messaging tool, a well-oiled jealousy engine, and a scalable narcissism platform, it seems to have evolved into something beyond all that. Judging by my list of favorites, as well as those of others, Twitter has become a venue for sharing your profanity-laden sexual innuendo with […]
