Buried deep in our chests, each Hood River citizen is now required to wear an economic growth inhibitor at all times. The weather-changing device atop City Hall is now operating at full power, effectively deflecting all tourists and their valuable Canadian dollars away from our town.
We’ve started referring to this month as June-uary, and [...]
Category Archives: Hood River
Deterrent
June 7, 2008
Sol 0
June 2, 2008
My neighbors celebrated June by drinking beer from 10:00 in the morning until 3:00 the following morning. Outwardly I pretend to be impressed, but inwardly I’m annoyed and disappointed that they didn’t make a day of it.
Rhythm
May 6, 2008
Yesterday: Kiteboarding. Beer. Late night with friends.
Today: Kiteboarding. Beer. Late night with friends.
More like this, please.
Rice Balls
December 17, 2007
We’re done. Kate and I have finished our applications to graduate school, all of our transcripts have been submitted, and our recommenders have completed their assessments of our qualifications. In the end we only applied to three schools, as the fourth school on our list made considerable effort to come across as an [...]
Hot Air
November 19, 2007
The other night I went to see Playground, Warren Miller’s new ski flick. I believe this was about my third or fourth snow pr0n movie of the season, and to be perfectly honest I’m going to vomit if I need to sit through another half-hour of Alaska heli-skiing. Seriously, I don’t care how [...]
Friskies
October 30, 2007
The fellow in front of me at Wal-Mart was buying one hundred pounds of cat food.
I shudder to think of what horrific Halloween costume he has in mind.
Cool Down
September 14, 2007
The sun still feels hot but the air has taken on a distinct chill. The Cascades are whispering, and once again the cold breath from the upper elevations is winding its way through town, carrying with it the taste of nameless forest groves. Hood River has all but emptied out, and while we [...]
Vertigo
August 17, 2007
I’ve been going full-throttle for so long that it’s hard to believe the summer is almost over. In two weeks the tourons will go their separate ways and we’ll get our quiet little town back, for better or worse. Then in two months the rains will sock us in and even amongst us [...]
Burns
August 4, 2007
From Minneapolis to Hood River, everyone I know is safe. I emerged this evening from The Simpsons Movie to stinging eyes and the taste of smoke thick on the air. At 4:00 this afternoon a wildfire started in someone’s backyard up near Country Club Road and Frankton Road, on the west side of [...]
Just Take A Freakin’ Lesson, People
August 1, 2007
Yeah, I’m still here. Just with more scars than usual.
This time around it wasn’t my fault.
