Question: Which of the following dinners would win in a fight?
A. Ranch Corn Nuts and a hot and spicy beef stick.
B. Dasani raspberry-flavored bottled water and Chex Mix.
C. Spicy chicken burrito, a forty of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and a Swisher Sweet.
The answer is C. The answer is always the forty.
Category Archives: Civilization
Fine Dining in Bingen
June 30, 2008
Social Hygiene
June 29, 2008
The other day, Kate and I were discussing the difference between a “tool” and a “douche bag”. It is a subtle but important differentiation, and we came up with the following guide. We hope you find it helpful, and failing that, offensive.
Tool: Drives a champagne Lexus LX with gold trim.
Douche Bag: Drives a [...]
Self-Interest
May 30, 2008
As a society, we have a moral imperative to protect the cultures of indigenous tribes such as this one, heretofore unmolested by the modern world. For if we do not preserve their unique languages, where will our next crop of great domain names come from?
The Gallery of The Awesome II
May 23, 2008
I have journeyed far and wide of late, from the hot and dusty reaches of eastern Washington to the harshly lit bowels of Wal-Mart. In these journeys I have seen Things, Great and Amazing Things that Thrill the Senses. The incredibility I have seen is such that it is worth another visit, yes, [...]
Familiar
April 21, 2008
It’s been over a week since I watched Into The Wild, and the convolutions of my brain are still busy processing it. I was prepared to be consumed by a brilliant fire of jealousy, but in the end I was completely blindsided by the familiarity of the story. The parallels between our journeys, [...]
Load-Bearing
April 10, 2008
After finishing some client work this evening I intended on watching Into The Wild, which just arrived from Netflix. For ten years it has been one of my favorite books (its challengers include Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and The Rand McNally U.S. Road Atlas) and I have to admit I was a [...]
The Gallery of The Awesome
March 24, 2008
Last night I welcomed upon you a great injustice, in that I described a number of truly awesome products without actually showing them to you. Tonight I hope to make things right and proper, and with the help of this “Multi-Media” tool will magic their images to you, with absolutely no post office, telegraph [...]
Owner Alarm
January 15, 2008
I wonder when in human history a smoke alarm last warned someone that his house was on fire, rather than carrying out its typical function of commenting on his cooking.
Likewise with car alarms. I am convinced that no one, aside from the owner of the car, actually has the capacity to set off the [...]
Slayer
November 23, 2007
Phew. It’s been a busy holiday, though hardly in the conventional sense. On Wednesday they sent me home early from work, partly because I was sick, but mostly because I was being a regular old sourpuss on account of being sick. I went home and took a three hour nap, and then [...]
I Heart Sprint
January 18, 2007
Last week my cell phone suddenly lost most of its ability to make and receive calls. The nature of the glitch suggested that it was a problem with Sprint’s all-digital wireless network built from the ground up. My phone kept getting booted off Sprint’s network and into roaming land, so my initial concerns [...]
